Project Runway Season 5: The Grass Is Always Greener

Stella is…cracked. Either that or…no, she’s cracked. That’s the only thing I can say.

I just don’t get why her garbage bag “outfit” didn’t send her packing last week. It was heinous to the nth degree — I mean, if you ripped a cheap garbage bag and then sloppily stitched the pieces together, you could easily recreate Stella’s hot mess of an outfit.

Sure, Jerry’s outfit looked like he was dressing a slasher, serial-killer chick in a hokey B-movie, but…come on! Stella’s outfit was 100 times worse.

Okay. End of rant — clearly, I’m still upset over last week’s elimination.

What can I say? I take my reality TV seriously — my sisters still poke fun at me because I lost sleep over the fact that vapid duo, Freddie and Kendra, won the Amazing Race one year.

Anyways…the models are trotted out and we begin the first round of picking and choosing.

I don’t care for the models — I find the models from Project Runway Australia 100 times more stunning, though I will say that model Karalynne sort of reminds me of Kherington from “So You Think You Can Dance.”

The picking and the choosing of the models always reminds me of being back in gym class, where you pray to God you’re not the last one standing — so, it sort of gives me a sick sense of pleasure in watching these tall, skinny “pretty” girls sweat it out, hoping and praying they’re not picked last.

This week’s challenge has the models doing double duty by dent of also being the clients. The brief is to create a cocktail dress that has to be made out of “green” fabrics — which model Leanne explains is anything that’s a natural textile like bamboo, hemp, jersey — which the models have chosen and purchased (with all of $75) for the designers to use.

This leaves a bad taste in Stella’s mouth — she’s convinced that the model knows next to nothing about fabric.

And sure enough, when Tim takes the models shopping at Mood, they look like chickens with their heads cut off.

Jerrell drawls: “My biggest fear is that she’ll come back with remnants of nonsense.”

However, everything his model has brought back has passed the test with him — she even remembered to buy thread!

Others don’t fare as well. Wesley (who’s really very cute in a preppy way) hates the colours his model chose because they don’t match; Keith’s model has chosen colours that don’t go together — and also feathers; both Kenley and Suede’s models have chosen jersey — which is more of a t-shirt material…not exactly something you’d wear to a cocktail party.

I think Suede’s proving to be pretty smart about things when he says that there’s more to this challenge than simply having the models do the fabric shopping for them — as their clients, this challenge will also show how well the designers know how to listen to them, Suede opines.

True, that.

Stella, however, seems to be confused — what her model wants and what Stella does is not a match. She doesn’t want to do something she’s never done before because she’s afraid it’ll look half-assed. She wants to dig her heels in and do what she does, not what the model wants. (This does not bode well.)

Okay — I’ll just come out and say it: I hate Stella. I also hate Blayne, who’s the prepetually tanned Surfer-dude who was amongst the bottom last week — and who know calls Heidi “Darthlicious” because “on the outside, she’s all shiny and well put-together, but on the inside, she’s crazy.”

No, not crazy — she, like everyone else, doesn’t get Blayne’s “style”, which is ugly.

Korto worries that Wesley’s outfit looks too similar to her’s — it doesn’t. She just wastes a whole load of time asking people for their opinion about it. (Crazy.) When Tim comes over to look at it, he’s shocked and baffled because the outfit looks like it’s inside out.

In his blog on the Bravo site, he writes:

Korto totally eluded me with her “inside-out dress,” as I dubbed it. When I first approached her workspace, I was certain that I was looking at the inside of the dress, replete with darts and seams in process. But, alas, I was wrong. All of that not-very-pretty stuff was on the outside and would remain, intentionally. Egads. I didn’t understand.

There’s no immunity for this challenge — instead, the winner will have their outfit manufactured and sold on bluefly.com.

Special guest judge, Natalie Portman, is brought out — much to the delight of the designers.

She proves to be a lightweight when it comes to judging, though — I mean, you don’t have to be mean and overly critical to be a judge (ahem, I’m looking at you, Ms. Nina Garcia) but it would have been nice to hear more than just: “I like it. It’s cute. It’s darling.”

What I loved was Kenley’s design — out of everything that was shown on the runway, but I have to admit, I like things that are more classic.

Suede’s unique design is a hit with everyone — the “right dress on the right girl” Michael Kors declares. It didn’t look overworked.

When he wins, he’s so cute! He delights in making his mom happy and sends a shout out to her, blowing a kiss to the camera.

OMG — how could you not love this guy?

Michael Kors writes this of winning designer, Suede:

As for Suede’s winning design, again, I think there’s something to be said for not just cutting the fabric and making a garment. For being able to look at something and imagine it to be something else. So he manipulated the fabric in a very interesting way. It gave his garment texture, which I think automatically is interesting, especially for dresses. We’re not always dealing with separates. Withseparates you get to mix the textures by mixing different components. With a dress, it a singular piece so if you manipulate the fabric and make it interesting that certainly adds to the intrigue of the dress being either flat and boring or something exciting that has a sense of discovery.

Poor Wesley overworked his fabric and Michael Kors points out that for satin to work, it has to look like human hands haven’t touched it — but in this instance, it looks like 20 sets of human hands have touched it.

Dame Nina is much more brutal: “I think shiny, tight and short is the quickest way to look cheap.”

And for an instant, I think, “Okay — that’s just mean. It’s not helpful. You’re not doing your job as a judge properly.”

She looks like one of those scary, uptight, pinched spinsters from a Victorian drama who’s been scorned by love one time too many and has, as a result, become embittered and wrathful. She’s like Miss Havisham.

In Tim’s blog, he writes:

Wesley is OUT. Wesley, oh, Wesley. I felt so bad for him. Owing to his model’s decision-making, he was stuck with a dreary brown silk/hemp blend that does not respond kindly to bold lighting. (It looks best with NO lighting.) But he was not alone by any means. In fact, Leanne and Joe had the exact same fabric. But Wesley tortured the textile while constructing the dress and it showed: uneven seams, an unintentionally sinuous hem and, from my viewpoint, unmatched grain lines in the fabric, which served to exacerbate the inconsistent absorption of light. The look was sloppy and the fit on the model was terrible. Had it not been so egregious, perhaps he could have rallied and defended himself. But rally he didn’t. He was like Dorothy in Oz, “I’m Wesley, the meek and innocent.” Sadly, Wesley, you’re also out.

I think they made the right decision this week…but I also have to say, the personalities of the designers on this edition of Project Runway pales in comparison to the designers in Project Runway Australia.

Enough said.

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~ by justj on July 26, 2008.

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